Hope Was Just Around The Corner

It has been 16 months since leaving my home country. I still sometimes wake up and wish to be back in Afghanistan but then I remember all the reasons why I came to the states. I wanted to give my children opportunities I never had, and for my wife, I want her to be happy and feel valued. I’m sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. This is a picture of where I used to live back in the villages. 

Let me take you back to 2007, it a busy day in the village, everyone was coming home from prayers, I looked up on and there she was standing before me, the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. As soon as I laid eyes on her I knew one day she would become my wife. I ran home to my mother to tell her to arrange the marriage as soon as possible. We were 18 years old when we got married. We’ve moved to the states in order to me to my Associates Degree in Information Technology (IT). I only need to attain this level of education before going back home to Afghanistan, as the pay for an IT worker there is double what I would be making in the states. At first, starting school here was difficult as the American dialect is very different to what I am used to back home (Babin, 2016,193). However, after a few months of schooling, I got used to it.

 It is definitely not an easy task though-my daily responsibilities. Every morning I get up around 5 am to take my two boys to school. The eldest is in the first grade and the middle boy is in preschool. Our youngest is 10 months old. I take the two older ones to school and drive off to community college to work on my degree. From there, I go to work as a janitor at a local high school where I do not get home until nearly 12pm. This means I only get to sleep and see my wife for a mere 5 hours a day. My wife knows that I would be home more if we could but being the only driver, and the only one to speak English I have been the only one to bring in any income for the past 7 years of our marriage. I know what you are thinking, that I am a sexist who thinks he is the only capable one to support his family. In fact, it has nothing to do with this type of masculine attitude (Babin, 2016, p.184). I would have loved if my wife had the opportunity to work ever since we got married, however, that is not the way things work back in Afghanistan. If you would like to take a look at some more information on Afghan Americans see this and how we have acculturated in the states, here is a great piece by a Berkeley student and this is more of a political piece on the refugees if that is of interest to you (Babin, 2016, p.190)

It was not until my wife met Brea, that everything changed. One day after church, I saw the two of them talking. My wife then walked back to me with a smile on her face. She informed me she would begin working with Hope as she loves to sew and adores children. I thought this was a perfect match.

Now nearly 9 months into working with Brea, my wife has loved her time with Hope and the whole team. My wife believes it has given her a creative outlet that she has never had before. Not only does she appreciate time spent to herself, but more importantly, my wife loves the positive impact the baby slings have to mothers, fathers, and families. You see, no matter the religion, race, ethnicity etc., Hope products bring families together, allow mothers to free up their hands and do whatever makes them happy for a few hours out of the day. I know that my busy days are now made a little easier knowing my beautiful wife is doing something that she loves. So thank you Hope for giving my family a purpose that is greater than our day to day lives. And thank you to all the moms out there who are supporting this incredible initiative and for bringing together moms around the world!

! مننه, Ahmar

Babin, B., & Harris, E. (2016). In CB 7 (7th ed., pp.184-195). Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.

D.C.0, J. H. (2016, June 12). Afghanistan Migration Surging into America; 99% Support Sharia Law. Retrieved March 29, 2017, from http://www.breitbart.com/2016-presidential-race/2016/06/12/afghanistan-migration-surging-america-99-support-sharia-law/

Afghan refugees approach gender in America with distress and resilience. (2017, February 17). Retrieved March 29, 2017, from http://sph.berkeley.edu/afghan-refugees-gender-america

Usyan, F. (n.d.). Abi Barik Village Photograph found in AFP, Getty Images, Abi Barik]. Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/photo/2014/05/massive-landslide-buries-remote-afghan-village/100729/  (Originally photographed 2014, May 05)

Double the Trouble

Hello to all my fellow readers, it’s been a while a few weeks but don’t worry, I have not forgotten about you all. I thought I would take this opportunity to write about my experience of becoming a mom of 2 because before you know it, if you are not yet already, this comes quicker than one might expect and is definitely a change of pace for everyone in the family. Instead of being able to hold your baby while picking out groceries or even while holding them in a baby wrap, where do you put your second child? More importantly, at least speaking from personal experience, I was petrified of the tantrums that would intensify from my 20 month old as he was bound to seek the attention I was now giving the baby and not him. To make this issue a non-starter, at least once I week I would try and spend one-on-one time with my “big boy.” This doesn’t mean a trip to the candy store or anything too extraordinary. It could be as minor as taking a walk around the block and letting him stop to pick up and play with the rocks he found. The best part about this was I would let him ask a million questions and I would have the time to answer him in a thoughtful manner so he doesn’t think he is being ignored. This routine may seem trivial, but I promise you, this made an impactful difference in his attitude which made the days so much easier to deal with. He was more helpful, less attention seeking, and had fewer tantrums when we started this routine. However, something I would like to emphasize is the routine aspect of our days. I know this may be difficult, but make it a weekly or daily pattern so your toddler knows what

expectations are of them and of you (Babin,2017, p.77). This will foster a safe environment as it gives them confidence that you will not disappoint them in the future.   

Another tactic that I have found to be extremely helpful is having your toddler have a doll, a bottle and diapers of their own. That way, as soon as you are attending to the newborn, instead of having the toddler wait patiently for your attention they can follow whatever it is that you may be doing, whether its feeding or changing the baby, and practice on their own. This way, your toddler will be using a form of modeling, by imitating their mother’s behavior, (Babin, 2016, p.192). When you are carrying the newborn in a baby wrap, instead of your toddler being jealous that they no longer can be held, let them hold their own doll in our mini doll ring-sling. Your toddler will simultaneously be learning most minute form of individualism as they are beginning to understand how to take care of themselves (Babin, 2016, p.184). For example, instead of having a parent or babysitter help them go to the bathroom, your toddler is beginning to learn how to do this on their own which is a big step in their development.  

If that is not your thing, try out these activity boxes for your toddler to play which can keep them occupied when you are with the baby. For those of you that are feeling a little overwhelmed, you are not alone. Check out these inspirational quotes from everyday moms just like overserves! 

Finally, it is important to remember that we are not superheroes, at least not all the time, and it is okay to ask for help once in a while! 

References:

Babin, B., & Harris, E. (2016). In CB 7 (7th ed., pp 77-192). Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.

Miller, H., (2015). 13 solid pieces of advice for parents going from one kid to two. Retrieved March 07, 2017, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/04/advice-for-parents-from-one-kid-to-two-_n_7183306.html

Wear the babies, Change the world. Retrieved March 7, 2017 from http://www.hopecarried.com/

Crafters, M., (2015). Perfect Busy Boxes for Toddlers. Retrieved March 07, 2017, from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/179721841358192243/